Honesty

The heart is the place where we live our passions. It is frail and easily broken, but wonderfully resilient. There is no point in trying to deceive the heart. It depends upon our honesty for its survival. ~ by Leo Buscaglia (Born For Love) ~

I met Leo in Pasadena after one of his recitals. He gave everyone in the audience a hug as they left the theater. We were asked not to squeeze him to hard as some people got carried away hurting him with a well intentioned bear hug. I hugged him genitally as he did me thanking me for coming. It felt genuine, his words very real, he seemed to a truly honest person. He died not long after of a heart attack. Ironic that the Love Doctor's big heart would kill him.

Honesty is the catch word in most personal ads. Men seeking Woman or Woman seeking Man all what the other to be honest. Careful what you wish for. Once I asked someone what version of honesty did they want? The reply received in anger "Are you playing head games?" "No" was my answer, "Just wanting to know if you want me to be honest, or do you want me to say want you want to hear as some people consider that honesty." She hung up. Oh well nothing ventured nothing gained.

There was a song of that name, how did it go? Oh yeah "Honesty is such a lonely word. Everyone is so untrue. Honesty is hardly ever heard. And mostly what I need from you.." the refrain Billy Joel sang.

I sit with a friend having lunch talking about how being honest is really important. Yet there seems to be dishonesty as we talk. Things are not talked about or thing are not said. I want to say "I could fall in love with you in a heart beat," but don't. That would be to much honesty and she would cease to be my friend, I think. So I keep silent, enjoy her company from time to time, then go on about my life. However, I've made a decision for her in doing so based on my perception that she does not want that honesty. Some day she'll tell me that she has met a wonderful man. I'll tell her how happy I am for her as I attempt to be honest. Because I know it is not what she wants to hear from me so why say it?

Consider the following question "Does this _____ make me look fat?" You smile? This is a dammed if you do, dammed if you don't question. What if it does make them look fat? Is an honest answer the best course of action? Silence is not an option, sweat beads on the back of the neck, is there a door close by or maybe a bathroom. "Excuse me for a minute, be right back."

I've discussed this concept with several of my friends each of whom come at it in a different ways. Some say you must be honest all times, at all costs, some say be honest only if it does not hurt someone, Some honesty is something no one really wants to hear so do it only when necessary. Being honest is something I think about allot, because in the past I've not been a particularly honest person. At times is seems that being honest really is not going to change anything, so why bother. Yet, it nags at me no to say my truth about something, but why when it changes nothing, or could change things in a way I'm not interested in.

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth--anonymously and posthumously.--Thomas Sowell