Delta Airlines Flight 1546, 37,000 ft., currently over Oklahoma
On the way! Left Phoenix at 11:00 am and currently almost two hours into the flight to Atlanta. So far so good as they say. Texted Son, Daughter and Claudia prior to taking off from Sky harbor. Had a very nice cab driver take us to the airport which reduced my worries about getting to the plane on time. Getting to the airport is always an anxious event for me. There is always this fear of missing the plane do to some unforeseen event on the Phoenix streets or highways. So until I’m in the terminal at the gate my nerves are a jangle. It does not matter whether or not it is a local flight or international I want to be at the airport long, very long, before it takes off.
My son was to take us to the airport, but after some discussion we decided that it would be better if I drove my can to Marks and take a cab from there. Of course that puts me back in control of getting to Marks house on time. Having spent close to five years running around Phoenix to every ER doing evaluations makes me think that I can get places quicker the other. Reality is that it’s probably not a true thought, but it gives me the illusion of control. So many times, in my therapy practice, I talk with clients about the illusion of control most have. Long ago it became quite clear to me that letting go of attempting to control events around me make life easier. However, there are times that slipping back into that mode causes me much distress.
Controlling the environment, circumstances, and people in one’s life is pretty much an illusion. One can attempt to cover all the bases yet the universe may have a different idea which is called getting thrown a curve ball. Health issues, relationship changes, Divorce, Termination from a job, car breaking down etc… are all curve balls. Life was going along fine and sometimes something happens to make it even better them BAM! Everything changed in the blink of an eye leaving a mixed bag of unpleasant feelings. Like the rollercoaster up you go feeling great, happy, and hopeful then down you go depressed, sad and hurt, but you’re not done yet because HOPE jumps in to save the day. Up you go again only to realize there is no hope.
My world was rocked and I’m left with hope but nothing more. The only thing I could have done differently was hide in my house not coming out unless I had to go somewhere of need. Kept to myself and not experience any of the wonder that was available for a short time. I could have attempted to control the situation so I could mold it into what I wanted it to be. This would have led to my attempting to manipulate to get my ends met, but not anyone else’s. I use to do that and found it wanting and still not in control. When I was a therapist I use to do an exercise with parents of Teens, and couples in relationships to help them understand that attempting to control rather than working together to reach a join resolution is not productive. But, one person can’t do that all involved need to be on board. It also helped them understand that sometimes you have to let go, move on, and be content with what was that can longer be. Sad, depressed, numb, and hurt are companions for a while leaving me thinking that I’ll never do this again.
But, someday I’ll be taken by surprise fine I opened myself up for this to happen again. Yet maybe, just maybe this time it will be different. Darn hope.
6:12:21 PM
We have left Atlanta heading to London. My seat mate is a professor of Art History in Kentucky who is heading to England to do research. Mark is across the aisle trying to stay awake until we are served our dinner. A few moments after sitting down the stewardess approached my set and asked if I were Mr. Cooke. My heart immediately began to pound surely bad news was to follow my acknowledgement. But it turned out to be a quite simple question of did I order a special meal which I had. I can’t wait to see what my non-dairy vegetarian meal tastes like. I had a nice pasta salad at the Atlanta airport so we’ll see how this goes. So far I’m sticking to eating healthier than ever before and certainly have more energy.
Dinner was fruit, Green salad, Vegetable medley, 9 grain bread, water, and Promise spread. Only thing I’m not sure of is the Promise spread other than that I think I did good. I’ll have to check about the Promise spread.
11:04:29 PM
That’s’ it until tomorrow. Good night, Gods speed, and Peace.
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