Today is town market day and hopefully at good day to sell my old bike. After moving around town to different spots we gave up. After dinner we managed to get the bike out to the campground where it now sits in front of the office for sale. In between I talked to my daughter then headed to one the events I was to volunteer at. However, I ended up being almost an hour late. Upon arriving one of the Stewart's sent me to the spot I was to work. There I met Megan again who had volunteered to fill in for me as they thought I was not going to show up. Her partner was quite put out by my late appearance and made sure all knew it was just not proper. I surely thought she would have me taken out behind the Cathedral and flogged.
She reminded me of the times I’d been so inflexible, demanding all go just as it was suppose to. A time of being very put out by those who did not follow the rules, or arrive on time so to speak. There are times that I catch myself still doing this behavior. I’m sure now that this is part of the funk I find myself in. Things are supposed to turn out, or go a certain way and I don’t want to repaint my picture yet again. The canvas is extremely heavy do to the lays of repainting. Will there ever be a time I don’t have to repaint the picture? That all will be as what was painted? I know how to do that just paint a safe picture with me surrounded by fences and walls that should do it.
Sunday, May 22, 2011, 11:15 am:
Mark is off to Canterbury today. We were up early so he could bet packed in time to catch his 10 am train. He would have to get off the train and bus part of the way to his destination. Also, he’d have to ride across London to get from one train station to the other. From there he is off to Amsterdam then maybe a few other destinations. He let me know later in the day that he had arrived safely with little problems. After he left I rode around town looking for a new front tire, but had no luck. There is not much open in Salisbury on Sundays. When back to the campground took a nap then headed into town to spend time at the Kings head making SKYPE calls. Spoke to my mother, Daughter and son catching up on doing here and there. Today my son was holding a one year birthday party for my granddaughter Rebecca. After that it was time to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.
Monday, May 23, 2011, 6:07 AM Arizona, 2:07 pm England
Mark discovered a bump and torn sidewall on the front tire of my bike. Because of this my plan of heading to Southeast England has been put on hold. This morning after porridge and coffee at the Kings Head I stopped in at Stonehenge Cyclery to get a new tire. I spoke with Pip for a bit than asked Christopher to order me a tire called an Armadillo Cross Trail made by Specialized Bikes. It will take two days to get the tire delivered so I’m not going anywhere this week which is just as well. It is overcast today and quite windy again so don’t really feel like riding a fully packed bike in weather. Really don’t feel like doing much of anything and am hoping that once I can get on the road this will pass. I’m allowing myself to do nothing right now in hopes of finding something to talk to my spirit.
I sorted out my money which helped me feel better about being here as I am quite worried about having enough for the trip this year. In November I resigned from 227 Tax Service dba as H & R Block after ten years of working the Block stores in Flagstaff. So it was time for me to head on down the road into my own business. This was not something I ever expected to be doing again, but with the help of my friend Lisa and her partner Gene it’s a done deal. My new office is in one of Flagstaff’s historic buildings. When my customers came in they did nothing but rave about the building. The tax season turned out to be as good as I’d hoped for I'm in England aren't I.
So many things happened since last November that has caused me to sink into this grand funk. First my son-in-law decided he no longer wanted to be married. He expounded on the reasons he no longer wished to be married which ended being a cover for the real reason. He’d had a girlfriend for some time now and wanted to be with her. Sadly this caused my daughter and grandchildren great distress. Then my brother-in-law was diagnosed with brain cancer and given about six months to live. I’ve known Victor since he was seventeen and was very much more a brother then brother-in-law. Vic, my sister and their daughter Laura made the trip from Florida to California via car. Victor wanted to spend what time he had left with his daughters and grandchildren. My son and daughter wanted to see their uncle before he passed so I made a trip with each of them to California. My daughter and I made yet another trip for his memorial service.
My former wife fell out of her car in October breaking her foot. This caused her to end up in a rehabilitation facility in order to regain strength in her legs and get some other health problems under control. She was expected to regain her mobility and return home. However, the first week in January she took a turn for the worst and I received a call from my son on January 9th she had died. We set about making arrangements for the funeral and setting up room for friends and family who were arriving. My former wife had a lot of friends and most showed up at the memorial service. My children and grandchildren still hurt from this loss. Within two weeks I had two people with whom I had spent the better part of my life ripped from the world. So many major losses not to mention several other events happening during that time have taken their toll.
My therapist as suggested that I take the trip in the hopes of having yet again a spiritual renewal. So far not much of anything happening which hopefully will change once my new tire arrives, or will I find yet another reason not to move from this spot? As usual when I look around, and pay attention there is God talking to me though people, places and things. When I pay attention understanding begins to take place.
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