England 2011 Part 6

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Tire arrived!  After sitting in the sun this morning enjoying a breakfast of fresh bananas, Strawberries and soy milk it was off to town to pick up my new tire.  Coffee at Starbucks while checking and sending emails then on to Facebook to see what the rest of the world is up to.  Lunch time found me back at the campground working on the bike as the sun started to be blocked out by the clouds. 

Thursday, May 26, 2011, 4:57 pm:

Rain, Rain go away come again another day! 

Friday, May 27, 2011, 2:00 pm:

Saturday, May 28, 2011, 6:00 pm:

Today I’m to work the Cathedral again.  Yesterday an email was sent out stating that functions at the Cathedral required a suit, little late for that, tie etc…  The answer I received after writing back that all I had was a white shirt and dark pants as stated in the dress code was not to worry that will be fine.  I hurry to the Cathedral to take up my station and am there one hour early.  I take up my station at where I think I’m supposed to be and wonder why no one is there to relieve.  I pick up a Festival brochure and see that there are two events with the same name.   It appears the one I’m to be at is in the Cathedral on in the Cloisters. 

Shit I’m late now.  I’m five minutes late to the check in and John, the head Stewart, is already giving out information.  He looks at me and asks if there was anything he could do for me.  “I yours” is my reply to which he rolls his eyes.  Smile, play nice, I tell myself.  “Right and you are?” he says.  After telling him my name he rustles through some papers hands me a couple of sheets along with a badge and returns to giving instructions.  Meanwhile an older gentleman smile’s at me and says “This is the fellow for Arizona.”  I smile to all, but across from me is the grumpy puss lady for the other evening.  She does not smile and my heart aches to think how hard it must be to live in her unsmiling world.   I take up my post at the main door and do as the instruction sheet tells me.  I greet everyone, hold the door, and answer questions which most of which I guess at.  I’m at the main door; I’m the first one everyone sees as they come in for their tickets.   I’m quite surprised that I’ve not been placed on the back door or something of the like.  But, nope I’m here right out front and certainly not dressed as the rest of the stewards are.  No suit, no tie, no socks, however, the dress code did not call for tie and socks.

The show starts and after ten minutes I’m allowed to leave my post and enter the Cathedral to watch the show.   I’m motioned to come in by one of the other Stewards so I do and sit.  Grumpy puss lady is across from me scowling.  The show finished and I stand to take my place with the rest of the Stewards, however John walks over and says “I’ll have you badge now.”   Oh my being drummed out to the service.  As I head toward the doors the two stewards standing there say to me “That was very rude of John.”  I smile and say “It is what it is.”  As I turn to leave I think No he is not going to get away with this.”  I find him and say “Might I have a word in private.”   Of course he’s very busy but consents and I turn to him.  “John I’m sorry I’m not here to cause problems.  I told Helen, who sent out the email, that I had no suit.  She told me it would be fine. If you have a problem I suggest you take it up with her.”  He looks me up and down and says “That’s the problem with the Festival people.  We at the Cathedral just don’t dress that way.  I sure if you when to something like this in the states you’d not fine anyone dressed like you.”  My answer “John I go to Plays, Operas, and Symphonies dressed like this.  We do things different in Arizona and are not quite so uptight. Again I’m sorry I’ve offended you I’m here just trying to help out don’t mean to cause you problems. I understand you may be shorthanded for the second show and am willing to help if needed.”  He tells me there is no need for me to stay.  I shake his hand and leave.  Again on the way out the two of the other steward’s comment on how rude he was.

I’m sad for John and Grumpy puss to have to live in such a tight world.   I enjoyed the performance as it is always wonderful to here song in the Cathedral.

Sunday, May 29, 2011, 1:00 pm:

I’m up and begin to get my stuff ready to pack for my trip tomorrow.   After shower I’m off to the Cathedral for a Sunday service.  This is probably the only church service I go to and usually there is a message for me.    Kites

Monday, May 30, 2011, 6:00 am:

After breaking camp it was time to head to the train station to purchase a ticket for Attleborough.  Now I’ve done this before may be four years ago.  I’m doing it again because the pictures taken there were all lost due to a computer clinch just after returning.  This is the area where my Father was stationed during WW II.  I had tracked down what was left of the airfield he had flown out of then and was out to do it again so I could recapture the pictures that were lost.  So the train would take me to London Waterloo station, from there I’d have to bike across London to Kings Cross Station where the next train would take me to Cambridge.  Upon arriving in Cambridge I change trains and am off to Attleborough.

Arriving at Waterloo it time for the loo and directions after which I off for Kings Cross.  This seems to be a different route then the last time I’m thinking riding down London streets with a fully packed bike.  People do tend to stare.  Arriving at gate 6 I watch the train pull away from the station darn loo stop.  The nice station person tell we it will be and hour before the next train is due in so I wait, rearrange so stuff and chat with a fellow about my bike and the load its carrying.  It is amazing how many folks I’ve talked to who are thinking about doing what I’m doing.  I give my card and tell them that reading my blog might help get them ready for the adventure.  It’s time to board the train to Attleborough via Cambridge.

After the switch in Cambridge I begin to think that I’d not taken the train to Attleborough, but to Thetford.  I’m remembering this because I when to the Halfords in Thetford so I must have ridden to the campground from there.  After getting off the train at Thetford it’s time to figure out which way to go to get to the campground.   I have a vague memory of being here, get off to a false start then get my bearing and Oh yes this I remember.  Riding brings back some dim memories of the last time I rode here.  Only four years ago and most of the memories of the place and ride are gone.      

Tuesday, May 31, 2011, 11:00 am:

Up early and on my way to Attleborough via back roads and not highways.  Again my memory is somewhat hazy things look familiar only just.  There is a nice fellow walking his grandkid down the road.  After inquiring he gives me directions and I’m off.  About an hour later I arrive in Attleborough and ride around the town.  Finding the post office and take its picture, then a Saintsbury where dinner is to be found, then to the local church.  Oh half a moe here’s the coffee shop that had Wi-Fi the last time I was here.  “Nope there’s no Wi-Fi here.”  She says as I order coffee and carrot cake which is quite good.   Now it is time to relax, read the paper, eat my cake and drink my coffee.  When finished it will be time to ride to the airfield and retake my pictures there.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011, 11:00 am:

Attleborough to Cambridge

Broke camp and rode into Attleborough to catch the train back to Salisbury.  Upon arriving in town it occurred to me to stop and have a coffee.  So after hitching my bike to a rail I head to the coffee shop.  Arriving at the door there are two prams blocking the door attempting to get in.  Now this is the same coffee shop from yesterday and it’s not the biggest place.  So after getting inside I find a lady with a pram leaving or at lease putting hers outside.  I enter the backroom where I know there is a plug to charge the computer battery.  In there I find two more prams and of course each has a baby of some size in it.  There are now no less than six mothers and nine kids stuffed into this small room.   I smile sit and plug in while I wait for my coffee and carrot cake to arrive.   I stay here for about a half hour then head over to the train station. 

I’m thinking of spending the night at a campground there and head back to Salisbury on Friday.  Since I have the time there’s no need to be back in Salisbury until Saturday.  As I ride up to the station the cars are stopped and backed up down the road.  There are two large gates blocking the cars from crossing the tracks.  After finding the correct platform I look around and again see the gates blocking the cars from crossing the tracks.  A train whips through the station and I expect the gates to open automatically open.  Across the there is a building that sits high up with windows all around much like a control tower at an airport, not quite as high.  From the building a trainman come out the door runs down the steps and manually opens both gates then runs back up the stairs into the control tower.  About five minutes later he comes out again closes the gates and goes back in the tower.  The Train passes out he come down the steps opens the grates and back up the steps.

I’ve got about a 45 minute wait for the train and during that time this fellow runs up and down those stairs about ten times.  He reminds me of figures in a clock that pop out one door and back in another when the hour is struck.  I can’t imagine doing that for eight hours a day, five days a week.  But then again sometimes my life has been like that.  Gotten into a doing the same things over and over get comfortable doing it, and become kind of like the man at the rail station.  Then become fearful of changing the routine for whatever reasons.  Sometimes events happen that push towards the need for change but are resisted even when that little voice tells you move on.

Off the train in Cambridge and it’s off to fine the campground.  After requesting directions to the general vicinity of the campground it’s time to ride my bike in Cambridge.  Now I thought Oxford had a large bike parking lot at the train station, but this one is three times as big.  Riding down the street I begin to notice bike parked along almost every inch of fence or wall.  Bike fly by, car fly my on the road leading out of the station.  I’m getting to be really good at riding in cities and being right out there on the road with busses and cars.  At times I follow other bike riders to learn the ropes not that they are doing the correctly.

After a bit of a ride I find the campground and after setting up I’m off to ride about Cambridge less my panniers.  The closer I get to town center the more bikes go zipping by along with cars and trucks.  They weave in and out fearless of the vehicle’s size or speed.  Now I’m liking this reminds me for driving in Manhattan.  So I start zipping also busses inches from my rear wheel down the road we go.  You have got to watch those corners bike riders just pop out hardly looking left or right.  I’m not speeding just riding along with everyone passing me by like I’m standing still.  But, no one blows there horn or yells.  I ride around for a bit up and down very narrow streets.  I find the town market and near by a Starbucks.  Time for a little computering.

Starbucks here has a new Soy Strawberry and “cream” drink.  So I ask if there is any dairy in it and am told there is not so time to try one.   These are very good I could get hooked on these.  Sitting at a bench my bike is tied outside to a section of post I manage to find.  Everything that a bike can be attached to has one.  Mark was here already and told me about the bikes and riding in this city but you have to experience it.  It’s time to head back to the campground for dinner and some rest.  Tomorrow I’m gona do some serious riding in this town because it is fun like an amusement park ride I think heading back to the campground.

 Thursday, June 2, 2011, 9:00 am

Up early and I’m ready to ride.  Cambridge here I come!  I’ve spied a bike path that that’s you directly to city center down I go.  Peddling around a corner brings me head to head with a herd of cows.   No way in the middle of a city, in a park blocking the path is a herd of cows.  Carefully I walk around them and am off to Starbucks for a coffee and some internet catching up.   Now it’s time for some serious riding the streets of Cambridge.  With reckless, abandon, whipping up this street, then down the next one heading nowhere, but ending up seeing some interesting sites.  After passing Kings College, Queens College, Christ’s College, and two vast parks with bike paths chris-crossing them and finally ending up in front of the Cambridge Press book store.

While surfing the book shelves I find book after book to read.  I must stop reading all the paperbacks and start reading these.  Then I look at the prices and remember why I reading $5+ pulp books and not these.  There are some 5 pound books here, a special selection, none of which, of course, interest me.   But the history, psychology, Linguistics, religion and Science books oh my I want the all.  Well not buying them here at the pound price when I can get them in them for dollars at home.  Finding a Wetherspoons I decide to have dinner here so I can do some more riding around on this glories armament ride.   The weather is warm, the sun is out, and it is a beautiful day to be playing here.  For a short while the nagging of what I should be doing and where I should be.

My spirits fill from time to time especially during time like these.  However, I find myself not smiling much these days and know this has to do with my wants than anything else.  From time to time all that comes to mind is to go home.  Go home to what, to do what, I guess to find some of what has been lost, which might be lost only in my mind.  Realities come to me that make my no happier, but need to be paid attention to. It is time to return to the campground for some sleep.  Tomorrow I’ll pack and ride through Cambridge fully loaded as I’ve decided to return to Cambridge Print Bookstore for at least one book.

Friday, June 3, 2011, 11:00 am

Today finds me up at 6 am, packed and on the road to Cambridge.  People staring at my fully loaded bike is nothing new, other bike riders coming up alongside me to ask were I’m heading or where have I been are not new.  Going back to the Cambridge Print bookstore and buying a book which is not pulp fiction is new.  It is also something I’ll be doing more of, but at the price there may be fewer books to read.  In Starbucks I’m reading my new book with coffee rather than internetting.   I’m going to stop typing now and go back to my book.

Saturday, June 4, 2011, 11:00 am

Salisbury: Closing Night of the Festival

This morning starts off with my doing wash at the campground.  I get things organized as I’ll not have time tonight because I’ll be working at the Closing Night.  Around noon I ride into the town marked to get some fruit and look around for some bungee cords.  There may be a way to hold my panniers on other than the system they came with. 

Sunday, June 5, 2011, 8:27 am

Arrived at the train station an hour early to catch a train from Salisbury to Clapton Junction where I’ll change trains for Victoria Station where I’ll change again for a direct train to Canterbury.  I’ll meet Mark at a campground we stayed at last year.   Arriving in Canterbury an hour early on a rainy day I headed for the town center to see if I could find Mark.  After having a coffee at Starbucks and using the wireless to see if Mark was online somewhere in town I head out to the campground.

Arriving at the campground I find that Mark has not yet arrived.    I get us a spot and begin to wonder where he might be as he was to be here before already.  Just as I’m finishing setting up my tent Mark arrives after riding down from Sandwich.  It is good to see him and now we will be doing some riding together.  He has spent the better part of two weeks in Holland ending up in Calais where he ferried across to Dover.  It is a rainy, drizzly day and we decide to have dinner in town. 

Monday, June 6, 2011,

Canterbury

Tuesday, June 7, 2011, 9:00 pm

Canterbury to Ashford

Bikes loaded we had out to Ashford.  The ride is filled with up the hill and down the hill which covered 25 miles of country lanes.  We had agreed to follow the National Bike Route to get to point “B.” Arriving at Ashford we stop a Wetherspoons for lunch then off to the campground.  We don’t get too far before the course decided on can’t seem to be found.  As we stand on the corner I fellow rides up and asks us where we want to go.  After a bit of explaining the route he must have thought there is no way these guys are going to find the campground.  He tells us to follow him and he take us to the campground but he has an errand to do.  So he sends us off down the road and tells us he’ll catch up to us.  Yeah right I think.

We reach the end of his directions and are about to strike off on our own when he does indeed show up.  So we follow him across the street, then down that street, across the street again round and round she goes and where she stops nobody knows.   At last we arrive at the campground and set up for the night.  We have a pleasant dinner and I enjoy some nice Italian wine Mark has purchased for me.  There is Wi-Fi here so we purchase a day’s use which we use prior to falling into a deep sleep.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011, 9:35 am

Broadhembury Holiday Park:

This campground is really quite nice.  The showers have heated floors and are very roomy.  There is a TV room, game room, and outside two playgrounds one for children under four.  The laundry has heated towel dryers on the wall.  At breakfast we decided to spend the day here and head off to Hastings tomorrow.   As the wash gets done I watch a little British TV in the hope of find a channel with weather on it.  We find a map in the campground office which gives up directions to get back to town on a less hectic route then the one which brought us here.  Arriving in town we head to the Witherspoon settle in and spend most of the day catching up online.  I spend a great deal of time planning a route to get us from Ashford to Hastings using National Bike routes and other back roads.  The days are nippy with little sun.   So after spending the better part of the day here it’s time to ride back to the campground for dinner and rest.

Thursday, June 9, 2011, 6:55 pm

Broadhembury Holiday Park to Rye.  28.5 mile ride

England Part 5

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Went for a ride just to see how long it would take to get there.  Stopped into the camp office and talked to Nigel who printed me a map showing the route to Danebury Hill Fort.  I figure the tire will hold out for a short ride cause I’m only going 16 miles.  First oops!   Actually according to the map I’d be going 30 miles round trip.  However the map does not take into account getting misplaced from time to time.  Seems that the way of things you have the map all set then you get misplaced due to one thing or the other.   I leave the campground at 2:45 pm thinking I can ride a bit then turn back whenever I want.  Along the way I’m passed by a group of bike riders on sleek racing bikes.  Why is it that everyone passes me by?  I begin to speed up then remind myself that the tire is bad, and I’m in no rush to get anywhere.

They hit a hill and begin to slow down one actually gets off his bike and walks up the hill.  Not me I ride up reaching the top at the same time they do.  My head tells me this will cost you I check my map and head off as they rest.  At the next intersection one of the riders pulls up to me and asks directions.  Ha Ha!  I’ve got a map they don’t knowingly I give directions.  He asks where I’m heading “We not going that far” says he.   About an hour into the ride I stop and look at the map.  Looks like I’m about half way there no problem.  Stopping again to check the map I spy a back way to my destination.  This is great as I’m riding on a very busy road with car zipping by very close to me.  After a couple of oops I’m on a road that could be the right one.  By now I’ve gone up and down about 10 hills all of which have been very steep.

The road ends at a “T” and looking around for direction signs there are none to be found.  I’ve been on the riding two hours now and am faced with which way to go as this could not be the road I think it is.  Well I’ll pretend it is so off I go.  Half hour later I arrive at the Danebury Iron Age Hill Fort elated.  Now to return back to the campground via a different route so I try to avoid the busy road that got me here.  It is now four hours into the ride and I stop to check the map.  This is not going well my little detour is going to require more time gong back the coming.  I ride on and have now climbed about 20 hills of very long and steep duration.  My legs are getting tired but I tell myself no problem.  Five hours and maybe 24 hills later it looks like I’m still an hour from the campground.  I’m walking up the hills and costing down the other side.  I remember my first ride here when I could no longer ride and walked about 20 steps at a time.

I can do this, this is not then.  So back on the bike I clime and look for that second wind I’ve heard about.  Nope no second wind as I walk up the last hill, well I think it’s the last hill.  I’m passed by to other riders and tell myself they have not ridden as far as I have makes me feel better anyway.  So back on the bike and ride the last hill slow and steady reaching the campground six hours after I started.  Takes longer then you think to get there, sometimes doing things differently is not the answer, you can always make it one way or the other.

England 2011 Part 4

Saturday, May 21, 2011, 11:15 am:

Today is town market day and hopefully at good day to sell my old bike.  After moving around town to different spots we gave up.  After dinner we managed to get the bike out to the campground where it now sits in front of the office for sale.  In between I talked to my daughter then headed to one the events I was to volunteer at.  However, I ended up being almost an hour late.  Upon arriving one of the Stewart's sent me to the spot I was to work.  There I met Megan again who had volunteered to fill in for me as they thought I was not going to show up.  Her partner was quite put out by my late appearance and made sure all knew it was just not proper.  I surely thought she would have me taken out behind the Cathedral and flogged.

She reminded me of the times I’d been so inflexible, demanding all go just as it was suppose to.  A time of being very put out by those who did not follow the rules, or arrive on time so to speak.   There are times that I catch myself still doing this behavior.  I’m sure now that this is part of the funk I find myself in.  Things are supposed to turn out, or go a certain way and I don’t want to repaint my picture yet again.  The canvas is extremely heavy do to the lays of repainting.  Will there ever be a time I don’t have to repaint the picture?  That all will be as what was painted?  I know how to do that just paint a safe picture with me surrounded by fences and walls that should do it.

Sunday, May 22, 2011, 11:15 am:

Mark is off to Canterbury today.  We were up early so he could bet packed in time to catch his 10 am train.  He would have to get off the train and bus part of the way to his destination.  Also, he’d have to ride across London to get from one train station to the other.  From there he is off to Amsterdam then maybe a few other destinations.  He let me know later in the day that he had arrived safely with little problems.  After he left I rode around town looking for a new front tire, but had no luck.  There is not much open in Salisbury on Sundays.  When back to the campground took a nap then headed into town to spend time at the Kings head making SKYPE calls.  Spoke to my mother, Daughter and son catching up on doing here and there.  Today my son was holding a one year birthday party for my granddaughter Rebecca.  After that it was time to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie.

Monday, May 23, 2011, 6:07 AM Arizona, 2:07 pm England

Mark discovered a bump and torn sidewall on the front tire of my bike.   Because of this my plan of heading to Southeast England has been put on hold.  This morning after porridge and coffee at the Kings Head I stopped in at Stonehenge Cyclery to get a new tire.  I spoke with Pip for a bit than asked Christopher to order me a tire called an Armadillo Cross Trail made by Specialized Bikes.  It will take two days to get the tire delivered so I’m not going anywhere this week which is just as well.  It is overcast today and quite windy again so don’t really feel like riding a fully packed bike in weather.  Really don’t feel like doing much of anything and am hoping that once I can get on the road this will pass.   I’m allowing myself to do nothing right now in hopes of finding something to talk to my spirit.

I sorted out my money which helped me feel better about being here as I am quite worried about having enough for the trip this year.  In November I resigned from 227 Tax Service dba as H & R Block after ten years of working the Block stores in Flagstaff.  So it was time for me to head on down the road into my own business.  This was not something I ever expected to be doing again, but with the help of my friend Lisa and her partner Gene it’s a done deal.  My new office is in one of Flagstaff’s historic buildings.  When my customers came in they did nothing but rave about the building.  The tax season turned out to be as good as I’d hoped for I'm in England aren't I.

So many things happened since last November that has caused me to sink into this grand funk.  First my son-in-law decided he no longer wanted to be married.  He expounded on the reasons he no longer wished to be married which ended being a cover for the real reason.  He’d had a girlfriend for some time now and wanted to be with her.  Sadly this caused my daughter and grandchildren great distress.  Then my brother-in-law was diagnosed with brain cancer and given about six months to live.  I’ve known Victor since he was seventeen and was very much more a brother then brother-in-law.   Vic, my sister and their daughter Laura made the trip from Florida to California via car.  Victor wanted to spend what time he had left with his daughters and grandchildren.  My son and daughter wanted to see their uncle before he passed so I made a trip with each of them to California.  My daughter and I made yet another trip for his memorial service.  

My former wife fell out of her car in October breaking her foot.  This caused her to end up in a rehabilitation facility in order to regain strength in her legs and get some other health problems under control.  She was expected to regain her mobility and return home.  However, the first week in January she took a turn for the worst and I received a call from my son on January 9^th she had died.  We set about making arrangements for the funeral and setting up room for friends and family who were arriving.  My former wife had a lot of friends and most showed up at the memorial service.  My children and grandchildren still hurt from this loss.  Within two weeks I had two people with whom I had spent the better part of my life ripped from the world.  So many major losses not to mention several other events happening during that time have taken their toll.

My therapist as suggested that I take the trip in the hopes of having yet again a spiritual renewal.  So far not much of anything happening which hopefully will change once my new tire arrives, or will I find yet another reason not to move from this spot?  As usual when I look around, and pay attention there is God talking to me though people, places and things.  When I pay attention understanding begins to take place.

Friday, May 22, 2011, 11:15 am:

Today moved to campground after getting everything packed into panniers.  Mark suggested that we take trial ride with the packed bikes so off we went.  Mark managed to ride into a hedge and fall over, but was not hurt.  He was not distracted by a woman, but a horse.  Other than that the ride went well and we made good time should be able to cover more distance this year.  We arrived to a warm welcome from Nigel and Wendy at the campground and were given our corner to set up in.  By the time we set up I had to race off to the cathedral for my first volunteering stint.  Here I spend 2:30 to 5:00 pm in the entrance of the cloisters to be available to answer questions about the performance going on there.   Joined Mark for dinner at the Kings Head Pub prior to the next event.

I found on the menu a Vegan dish of one of my favorite meals in England; sausage and Mash.  They had meatless sausages which were quite good, mashed potatoes, and a very tasty cider.  No butter or mike used to make the mashed potatoes.  Now off to the market place for the beginning night of the festival.  After a bit of direction I was paired up with two very nice ladies Megan and Kate.  We were to guard the fencing around the sound booth and one of the spot lights.  We had a great time chatting, watching the show, Kate helped a person who swooned, and I attempted to chase a person who had climbed up on the stoplight platform, only to find out she was a member of the press.  All in all it was a very enjoyable night. 

England 2011 Part 3

Arrived England two hours early flashed through customs, collected our bags and purchased a bus ticket to Salisbury.  Originally we were to land in England at 11:00 am which meant 1/2 hour wait for the bus, but since we landed two hours early we now sat around for an 1 1/2.   The bus ride is about one and a half hours, which gave us both a bit of dozing time before arriving in Salisbury.  Every time I get off the bus here I am reminded of the first time when I had no idea where to go.  I wandered around for about an hour before I found a map and headed off to the YHA.  Today I picked up my 51 pound bag, quite a bit heavier than the bag I used the first time, and off we went to the YHA.  After checking in it was time to the retrieve the bikes.

My bike, for the sixth year, was locked exactly where it had been deposited the year before.  Mark’s bike however was no were to be found.  My bikes, two of them, had four locks holding them in place to my dismay the keys in my pocket only unlocked two of them.  Had I not brought all the keys with me?  I racked my brain for what I had done with the other two keys.  As we walked away empty handed I hoped I’d not left the keys at home.  This would mean cutting locks while being watched by CCTV cameras.   I, slowly, remembered that I had put the keys on two separate key rings, but could only remember packing one of them.  I have to return to the YHA and dig through my stuff.  We stopped at a bike shop to check out prices and I was able to chat with Pip who had helped me purchase my bike last year.

Back at the YHA I went through all my bags emptying everything on to the floor of our teeny tinny room which sleeps four.     No key in that bag, no key in that bag, no key in that bag only one left.  Nothing on the bottom of the bag now let me empty out the side pockets.  Keys I found keys, wait these are the keys I already have one pocket left.  At the very bottom of the last pocket I find the keys I need to unlock both bikes.  Life is like that isn’t it?  Searching for something in all the obvious places, then when we look in the least obvious place we fine gold.  Some people spend a great deal of energy looking all the while missing the gold that God has but around them.  I’ve missed it time and time again.

It reminds me of a story about a prince in India who believed he was missing the most fabulous gem in the world.  The story goes something like this he set off to find the most valuable gem in the world.  While he was searching his palace fell in to disrepair, his servants striped it bare using their new found wealth to build their own palace.   His family had to use whatever money was left to buy food, but that soon ran out.  One by one his family members died and little by little the jungle took the palace over .  After the many years of useless searching the prince returned home only to fine ruin.  He is in rags as he has spent the fortune he took with him to pay for his journey.  He wanders around then falls to his knees in sorrow having found the graves of his family.  He cries out “Why!” as he looks toward the sky.  Slowly he lowers his head and as he does so notices a statue that has been in his yard forever.  There imbedded in the statue is a huge gem.  In fact it is the most precious gem in the world.  But, it now means nothing as those thing that were really the most precious gems are gone.  Look around your “backyard” before you go off in search of things that can be found there.

After returning to the YHA with both my bikes we had dinner.  While Mark was entertaining a group of kids from Cornwall I placed a call to Claudia to catch up on events of the last three days.  Her laughter is intoxicating, and she is always able to put a positive view on things.  Our SKYPE call just ended when Mark returned with a picture of the group he had been telling a story to.  I tracked down my daughter who was returning to Phoenix from Las Vegas then let my son, via Facebook; know that we had arrived safely.  It had been a long somewhat stressful day time for bed.

England 2011 Part 2

Monday, May 16, 2011, 12:48:29 PM

Delta Airlines Flight 1546, 37,000 ft., currently over Oklahoma

On the way!  Left Phoenix at 11:00 am and currently almost two hours into the flight to Atlanta.  So far so good as they say.   Texted Son, Daughter and Claudia prior to taking off from Sky harbor.   Had a very nice cab driver take us to the airport which reduced my worries about getting to the plane on time.  Getting to the airport is always an anxious event for me.   There is always this fear of missing the plane do to some unforeseen event on the Phoenix streets or highways.   So until I’m in the terminal at the gate my nerves are a jangle.  It does not matter whether or not it is a local flight or international I want to be at the airport long, very long, before it takes off.

My son was to take us to the airport, but after some discussion we decided that it would be better if I drove my can to Marks and take a cab from there.  Of course that puts me back in control of getting to Marks house on time.   Having spent close to five years running around Phoenix to every ER doing evaluations makes me think that I can get places quicker the other.   Reality is that it’s probably not a true thought, but it gives me the illusion of control.  So many times, in my therapy practice, I talk with clients about the illusion of control most have.   Long ago it became quite clear to me that letting go of attempting to control events around me make life easier.  However, there are times that slipping back into that mode causes me much distress.

Controlling the environment, circumstances, and people in one’s life is pretty much an illusion.   One can attempt to cover all the bases yet the universe may have a different idea which is called getting thrown a curve ball.  Health issues, relationship changes, Divorce, Termination from a job, car breaking down etc… are all curve balls.  Life was going along fine and sometimes something happens to make it even better them BAM!   Everything changed in the blink of an eye leaving a mixed bag of unpleasant feelings.  Like the rollercoaster up you go feeling great, happy, and hopeful then down you go depressed, sad and hurt, but you’re not done yet because HOPE jumps in to save the day.  Up you go again only to realize there is no hope.

My world was rocked and I’m left with hope but nothing more.  The only thing I could have done differently was hide in my house not coming out unless I had to go somewhere of need.  Kept to myself and not experience any of the wonder that was available for a short time.  I could have attempted to control the situation so I could mold it into what I wanted it to be.  This would have led to my attempting to manipulate to get my ends met, but not anyone else’s.  I use to do that and found it wanting and still not in control.  When I was a therapist I use to do an exercise with parents of Teens, and couples in relationships to help them understand that attempting to control rather than working together to reach a join resolution is not productive.  But, one person can’t do that all involved need to be on board.  It also helped them understand that sometimes you have to let go, move on, and be content with what was that can longer be.  Sad, depressed, numb, and hurt are companions for a while leaving me thinking that I’ll never do this again.

But, someday I’ll be taken by surprise fine I opened myself up for this to happen again.  Yet maybe, just maybe this time it will be different.  Darn hope.

6:12:21 PM

We have left Atlanta heading to London.  My seat mate is a professor of Art History in Kentucky who is heading to England to do research.  Mark is across the aisle trying to stay awake until we are served our dinner.   A few moments after sitting down the stewardess approached my set and asked if I were Mr. Cooke.  My heart immediately began to pound surely bad news was to follow my acknowledgement.  But it turned out to be a quite simple question of did I order a special meal which I had.  I can’t wait to see what my non-dairy vegetarian meal tastes like.   I had a nice pasta salad at the Atlanta airport so we’ll see how this goes.  So far I’m sticking to eating healthier than ever before and certainly have more energy.

Dinner was fruit, Green salad, Vegetable medley, 9 grain bread, water, and Promise spread.   Only thing I’m not sure of is the Promise spread other than that I think I did good.  I’ll have to check about the Promise spread.

11:04:29 PM

That’s’ it until tomorrow.  Good night, Gods speed, and Peace. 

England 2011

Saturday, May 14, 2011, 4:48:51 PM

Barns and Noble Glendale AZ

So on Monday I’ll be heading back to England.  Well maybe not just England, maybe Austria and France again, maybe Ireland and Scotland?  Lots of Maybe’s but that the story of my life.   Since June my world has been a roller coaster ride.   Today as I sit here writing I’m not a happy camper and am filled with fear about what the future has in store.  I’m not focused, definitely distracted and stuck.  So I met with my therapist today where after shedding some tears, sharing a few laughs we came to the conclusion this is not a new place for me.  I’ve sat in her office with the same story only different charters at the time, boy talk about not getting your process.

However, I do get it that the trick is to overcome the fear of changing it.  I had to laugh as she described me as putting on the John Wayne, Gary Cooper, Clint Eastwood facade of being in control of the situation hiding the timid, shy, and scared not in control person.   We laughed as she rolled her eyes and asked “How many times have we been here.”  So she sent me off to England for yet another spiritual quest.  Indeed each trip has been a kind of spiritual awakening to heal the hurts, boost self-confidence, and connect with what messages I’ve been missing that God has been sending.  We had a really good laugh as she pointed out that God has put messages right in front of my face, but fear has kept me from reacting as I’ve really wanted to.

So on Monday I’ll climb on the jet, with my friend Mark, and head off with the sinking feeling in my stomach that I should stay here.  My head telling me that if by staying the day will be saved, all will be well, and everyone will live happily ever after.   I’ll find a way to protect my kids from being hurt, or going down the wrong road.  I’ll be able to fix my sisters pain from losing her husband and best friend.  And, going back to the movie theme that after the trials and tribulations all problems are solved, and the hero rides off into the sunset with the heroine.   Honestly this may happen somewhere, but it has not happened for me.

The problems don’t magically disappear, and the heroine rides off into the sunset with someone else.  Mostly because I’ve waited for some sign or message that will tell me it’s O.K. to express my feelings.  The message never comes I never express which equals no Hollywood ending.  So I’ll go with my head, not to be confused with intuition, creating fantasy of what will happen while I’m gone.  Because you do know I have a crystal ball which will tell me the future, yeah right.